in which I bite my tongue

You tend to always feel you know your kids, pick up on subtle clues that something is not quite right and always at least try to be a listening ear despite them wanting to chat deep just as you are serving dinner or trying to get some work done whilst the toddler naps.

Teens: mini adults? Not even close, but the assumption is there that they are capable and able and when frustrations flare it is easy to forget all what is going on under that almost a grown up persona.

I really failed this week, I mean epically ‘I am an arsehole’ type failed.

She looked pasty on Friday when she walked in, a little worn but said she was just tired but hey it was Friday, hell I was worn too! She hadn’t been herding a toddler all day or trying to cook and clean whilst practicing piano with a 4 year old. She hadn’t had to walk the dogs, or do the laundry, or make the beds.

She fell asleep super early, I guessed maybe down to the fact I had nagged and whined so was avoiding me in her ear about her and her brothers not helping me at dinner, or keeping their rooms clean, oh and I even think I pulled the “well you wanted dogs” card.

Our weekend was fine, nothing out of the ordinary except last night she asked me if I was coming straight downstairs after I’d put the little ones to bed. This usually means she wants to watch Netflix and sit with me for a bit, some easy one to one time.

She broke down in tears last night.

Did I mention I am an

ARSEHOLE?

Turns out Friday afternoon she’d been crying too… Pre my ridiculous trivial outburst about bedrooms and chores.

Something happened at school, in fact something has been happening at school for a few weeks (at least I’m sensing).

I’m pleased to say we have talked it through and addressed it, she says she is ok. I think she is, but then again what would I know?…

I’m biting my tongue this evening about the dog, and the wrappers she’s left on her window sill, and the bags she’s sprawled across the floor because as you know I feel like a bit of an arsehole parent right now so before you find yourself moaning about some dirty plates or the fact that her new jacket was left crumpled in a corner, bite your tongue and open your eyes, and your ears and your arms.