Creativity · Motherhood · Self development · single parent

it’s almost midnight…

it is almost midnight and it has dawned on me that in two weeks not only will I have an 18 year old son, I will turn 35 the next day. This got me thinking, about how life ‘should’ look when you imagine ahead and how life actually does look when you get to that point.

Do I have the things I thought I would at this point? No I don’t, and what a blessing that is!

Am in in the job I trained for, sitting through exams I didn’t feel prepared for or racing for the bus to be on time for my shift, no I am not.

Am I in the country I dreamed about since I was 21, scrolling through pages on pages of real estate rentals to grasp areas, market, facilities of a country I feel I learnt more about than my native home, no I am still in my home town…

Am I a person I want to be, that is an interesting thought. I would say honestly I am becoming her more than ever due to not being where I expected to be. You see I don’t want what I did say 10, 15 years ago. I was younger, naïve and ever so slightly self absorbed. I thought getting myself to a destination would bring satisfaction but actually, it is helping others along the way that has propelled me into being someone of substance, of good character and I don’t say this egotistically. I think when we shed ego, or some ego at least, we can feel comfortable in displaying our positive traits without being overly modest. We are proud of ourselves for doing what we feel in our hearts is moral and just. Of course, there is no need to brag about acts that help others, but celebrating personal achievements is fantastic.

So as I begin to accept my flaws, change what I can and accept my limitations I am proud to hold my banner up and shout for team me, because I am my number one fan and I hope you are rooting for TEAM YOU too.

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There will be losses, draws and wins but at the end of the day we must play on, adapting to the rules and the changing of the goal posts. There will be team mates and opponents, fair weather and rained off, injuries, unfair referees and substitutes. Ultimately be an MVP even without the award, scanning the field for every opportunity thrown at you even if no one is cheering you on, or that one player always hogs the ball because what I have come to realise is this…

no one can catch a ball with a closed fist, so open your hands, your arms, your ears and your eyes. Most of all get your head in the game and if you play consistently at some point come rain or shine there is going to be wins.

Now even I can toast that 🙂

Are you sitting on the sidelines? Do you need to change your game? I am rooting for you.

Angie x

 

30dayswild · Homeschooling · In pics · single parent

I have a wild confession

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Ok, for about a week I have been so excited to begin the next 30 days! We love being outside, what’s not to love? My kids can run, jump and shout to their hearts content (actually they do that indoors too, a lot, really enthusiastically).

I think we all need nature, in fact I even tried to run a store titled ‘British Wild Life Kids ‘ with nature inspired and craft products not so long ago! It didn’t take off the way I wanted (life events and all that but hey ho all a learning curve, more about those at a later date).

Living in London we are spoilt for choice regarding open spaces, woodland and nature reserves. You heard me right, there is so much nature in the city!

So today I was so excited to begin 30 Days Wild! and to kick us off thought I would link a GoPro action adventure on our Facebook page!! Cool right?!

However in typical harassed ‘Homeschool Bum’ fashion we hit the woods, dog on leash, kids scattered in trees, puddles, wind swaying trees….scene set!

Except Mama forgot to insert the memory card into the camera, that’s correct. No SD card. As in if it wasn’t captured it didn’t happen! Seriously?! The joys of single parenting means I can’t even blame anyone!

“I told you to bring it!”

“That was your job!”

“Can you race home and grab it?!” doesn’t really work with a couple dogs, a backpack and two little ones in tow!!!

Something so silly but you know what’s important, just getting out there, keeping it real, being outside, muddy clothes, wet dog smell and whingey tired children at the end… get outdoors, move, talk, laugh, touch, observe and discuss… you can’t get this from a book.

You have to get rained on, forget your equipment and really just be, in nature, to fully appreciate why children need this. Why everyone needs this.

So for now I leave you with some pics of past adventures, in Devon in fact, but honestly as idyllic as they look nothing beats a grazed knee, a nettle sting, or a wet dog shake in your personal space to make you feel alive outside … to be continued when I get the damn camera working 😉

Are you taking part in 30 Days Wild? Let us know what you are getting up to! We would love ideas and inspiration! #30dayswild

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Homeschooling · Motherhood · Parenting · single parent

Party at 2am

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I wasn’t at my best this morning.

In all truth I wouldn’t even know what my best looks like.

I am not the kind of person that says ‘those were my best years’ …maybe they are yet to come or be recognised.

I am more of a ‘just winging it’ kinda gal, I realise lately. I fit in what I can when I can but I do pull my weight and am the get shit done kind of mum. I hold onto that fiercely!

Last night was hell, I was so looking forwards to sleep but you decided an earache was on the schedule to hit at 1am. A monumental earache of epic proportions… the kind you backtrack to when analgesics were given thinking surely they would have kicked in by now??!…

The kind of scenario your groggy delusional self wishes for another half to have the chance to say “your turn”.

Except there’s no one here, excluding the dog who’s pissed you came downstairs to muffle the wails so next door do not have reason to complain.

I rock you, sing, I am a shit singer.

Peppa Pig plays in desperation (my child doesn’t even watch TV).

I begin to clock watch, then count the hours till Daddy has ‘access’ (4-6pm).

FUUUUCCCKKKKKK….that’s like forever, please go to sleep, please someone help her, kill me now, I can’t do this.

Except I do, we drag my arse up around 8am and manage to hit homeschool library group, cook meals, do housework and before I know it it’s dusk.

I sit and watch you over water my plants, water your chubby toes and chuckle, I put your clammy baby curls in a top knot and I take a cute pic. It tells no signs of my struggle.

We made it through another glorious day, the weather was perfect, you were happy and adorable and smart and amazing!

Me, I am fucking tired but BELIEVE me when I kiss you and breathe you in, mumble in my frazzled mind just how grateful I am, I am so so grateful for you x