I wasn’t at my best this morning.
In all truth I wouldn’t even know what my best looks like.
I am not the kind of person that says ‘those were my best years’ …maybe they are yet to come or be recognised.
I am more of a ‘just winging it’ kinda gal, I realise lately. I fit in what I can when I can but I do pull my weight and am the get shit done kind of mum. I hold onto that fiercely!
Last night was hell, I was so looking forwards to sleep but you decided an earache was on the schedule to hit at 1am. A monumental earache of epic proportions… the kind you backtrack to when analgesics were given thinking surely they would have kicked in by now??!…
The kind of scenario your groggy delusional self wishes for another half to have the chance to say “your turn”.
Except there’s no one here, excluding the dog who’s pissed you came downstairs to muffle the wails so next door do not have reason to complain.
I rock you, sing, I am a shit singer.
Peppa Pig plays in desperation (my child doesn’t even watch TV).
I begin to clock watch, then count the hours till Daddy has ‘access’ (4-6pm).
FUUUUCCCKKKKKK….that’s like forever, please go to sleep, please someone help her, kill me now, I can’t do this.
Except I do, we drag my arse up around 8am and manage to hit homeschool library group, cook meals, do housework and before I know it it’s dusk.
I sit and watch you over water my plants, water your chubby toes and chuckle, I put your clammy baby curls in a top knot and I take a cute pic. It tells no signs of my struggle.
We made it through another glorious day, the weather was perfect, you were happy and adorable and smart and amazing!
Me, I am fucking tired but BELIEVE me when I kiss you and breathe you in, mumble in my frazzled mind just how grateful I am, I am so so grateful for you x
Today was just one of those days where I just felt so grateful to home educate, homeschool, unschool, whatever you want to label it! Just living I guess, together. Experiencing joy and meeting everyone’s suggestion without timely restraints or unnecessary agendas. I spoke about homeschooling here. Going back a couple of years ago I would have no idea how much the decision would impact my life, change it, change me… anyway for now I hope you enjoy the pics of todays ‘classroom’ 🙂
I want to make confession, I hope you don’t mind if I share with you as I sit typing in the dark next to a sleeping toddler…
I put things off, a lot! Like really adulty things, things I know are for the good of everyone but I get carried away with ideas, creations and pulled into Facebook discussions and what everyone wants for tea tomorrow and before you know it a week has passed.
At this point your to do list gets overpowered by a new to do list and this in turn leads to either overwhelm or just complete denial.
I have the solution but don’t always use it.
There’s no secret to it, so simple and effective, in fact so much so I’m on fire and can’t sleep. I’ve updated my little shop website (I am so not techy!) AND linked a new blog to it and written 3 posts on my shop blog… doesn’t sound like much but you wouldn’t believe how much I have put this off!
We are bombarded with tasks and distractions and if we don’t use the right mindset tools we will continue to swim against the tide.
You probably know it already and honestly sometimes as much as we roll our eyes, tried and tested methods just work! Well they are tried and tested!! Use them! Don’t reinvent the wheel!
So 50 minutes time blocking right now! It was Brendon Burchard that whipped me into this habit! Laser focus for 50 minutes dedicated to each task, social media off, door shut, no interruptions!
Timer on and just do it! I am sure you will get into the zone and steam through what you have been putting off. See it as a mission! Go go go!
Yesterday we purchased an entry level GoPro! I am rather excited, not only do I take ridiculous amounts of photos of my kids (and dogs!) I will now be in action mode on our travels! I am guessing kids and dogs in the woods overload will be our film set of choice due to the fact it is typically where we always hang out this season of the year but we will try to be creatively varied!
Now without shocking you at my inability to work a two button gadget initially I am happy to say I can just about make a clip and in my short learning curve doing so there are a couple of points in mum life to be aware of…
POSITIONING – put your ass away! Seriously I did not even think about angles and sure I can learn to clip and edit and hopefully add audio but for now turning your back on your camera after switching it on gives a rather unflattering angle I discovered the hard way! Less biscuits for me from now on!
2. Never work with children and animals! Trying to get a word in or be heard over a 4 year old fighting for the lead role in your dialogue….just give it up mama. Little kids and pets are way cuter than you anyway.
3. You might want to note that the waterproof encasement means that unless you are making a silent movie when testing it out indoors you need to swap the backdoor for the skeleton door to pick up sound! We found this out the hard way and despite me hearing twinkle ‘twinkle little star’ about 30 times a day for the last 3 years I am convinced I lost the sweetest version ever due to not picking up sound on our first test!
We cannot wait to get started to video journal our homeschooling journey in particular and I really recommend Lynda.com for some tutorials. The GoPro website has some amazing material on also, very inspiring but I am getting ahead of myself before I have learnt the basics!
Do you have a GoPro? Any rookie tips for me? I hope to start posting on here some of the stuff we get up to once I move past turning the thing off and on. Best get over to YouTube for some help so bye for now.
You tend to always feel you know your kids, pick up on subtle clues that something is not quite right and always at least try to be a listening ear despite them wanting to chat deep just as you are serving dinner or trying to get some work done whilst the toddler naps.
Teens: mini adults? Not even close, but the assumption is there that they are capable and able and when frustrations flare it is easy to forget all what is going on under that almost a grown up persona.
I really failed this week, I mean epically ‘I am an arsehole’ type failed.
She looked pasty on Friday when she walked in, a little worn but said she was just tired but hey it was Friday, hell I was worn too! She hadn’t been herding a toddler all day or trying to cook and clean whilst practicing piano with a 4 year old. She hadn’t had to walk the dogs, or do the laundry, or make the beds.
She fell asleep super early, I guessed maybe down to the fact I had nagged and whined so was avoiding me in her ear about her and her brothers not helping me at dinner, or keeping their rooms clean, oh and I even think I pulled the “well you wanted dogs” card.
Our weekend was fine, nothing out of the ordinary except last night she asked me if I was coming straight downstairs after I’d put the little ones to bed. This usually means she wants to watch Netflix and sit with me for a bit, some easy one to one time.
She broke down in tears last night.
Did I mention I am an
Turns out Friday afternoon she’d been crying too… Pre my ridiculous trivial outburst about bedrooms and chores.
Something happened at school, in fact something has been happening at school for a few weeks (at least I’m sensing).
I’m pleased to say we have talked it through and addressed it, she says she is ok. I think she is, but then again what would I know?…
I’m biting my tongue this evening about the dog, and the wrappers she’s left on her window sill, and the bags she’s sprawled across the floor because as you know I feel like a bit of an arsehole parent right now so before you find yourself moaning about some dirty plates or the fact that her new jacket was left crumpled in a corner, bite your tongue and open your eyes, and your ears and your arms.
Dear Nicky Morgan, Please accept this as written notice of my resignation from my role as Assistant Head and class teacher. It is with a heavy heart that I write you this letter. I know you’ve struggled to listen to and understand teachers in the past so I’m going to try and make this as clear…